When Christmas Hurts: Reflections from the Therapy Room

Every year, as the lights start to twinkle and the shops fill with glitter and noise, I notice something shift in my therapy sessions. Clients who have been steady and grounded all year begin to speak of overwhelm. There’s a familiar sigh in the room — a mixture of exhaustion, guilt, and quiet sadness.

Christmas is supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year,” yet for so many, it’s the most demanding.

🎁 The Weight of “Should”

In December, I often hear sentences that start with “I should…”

“I should be looking forward to it.”“I should feel grateful.”“I should make more of an effort with my family.”

These “shoulds” carry enormous emotional weight. They create a silent standard of what a good person or good parent or good partner does at Christmas — and when reality doesn’t match that ideal, people feel like they’ve failed.

In therapy, I sometimes remind clients: the version of Christmas we’re sold — all harmony, love, and sparkle — rarely exists. Most families are messy. Old wounds get triggered. Conversations that were just about bearable in July can feel unbearable when wrapped in tinsel.

💸 The Cost of Togetherness

Money comes up a lot. The cost of gifts, travel, food — and the unspoken competition of who’s doing it “better.”Recent research showed that nearly one in three people in the UK go into debt over Christmas. And while we rarely say it out loud, there’s often shame beneath the spending — a sense of “if I can just get this right, maybe I’ll feel enough.”

But it’s not only financial. The time and emotional labour of the season can be immense, especially for those who carry the invisible job of “making Christmas happen.” Many of my clients — often women — talk about juggling everyone’s needs, smoothing tensions, and trying to hold it all together.

🕯️ The Darkness Beneath the Lights

This season also arrives at the darkest time of the year, both literally and emotionally.I see more low mood, more fatigue, more tearfulness. The lack of light and the social comparisons (“everyone else looks so happy”) can heighten a sense of isolation - (I blame those christmas adverts!)

And for those who are grieving, the season can reopen wounds. Empty chairs at the table can speak louder than any carol.

💔 Love and Loss

It might surprise people to know that December and January are two of the most common months for break-ups.Relationships that have been quietly strained throughout the year can buckle under the weight of Christmas — the money worries, the family visits, the forced cheer.

I’ve sat with clients who felt blindsided when things ended just before the holidays, and others who finally admitted they couldn’t keep pretending. The season seems to magnify whatever truth has been quietly waiting to be faced.

🌱 Making Space for Yourself

If you find yourself dreading Christmas, or feeling that low hum of anxiety, please know — there is nothing wrong with you.It’s okay if it doesn’t feel like the “most wonderful time.”

A few things I often remind clients:

• You’re allowed to opt out of what doesn’t serve you.

• You can say no — to gatherings, to spending, to the emotional performance of cheerfulness.

• Resting and protecting your peace are valid forms of celebration.

• You don’t have to earn your rest by first exhausting yourself.

Sometimes, the most healing gift is permission — to do less, feel more, and let the season be imperfectly human.

Its good to talk. Teri x